Healing Harbor

Surrendering Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is a day to be celebrated, praised for your hard work & daily efforts of raising children. There is joy to be found in the attention, gifts, hand made cards, extra hugs & breakfast in bed. But how do we face the day when there is angst in our heart?

“Her children arise and call her blessed.”

Proverbs 31:28

There are many reasons a mother may struggle on this day of celebration: miscarriage, death of a child, death of her own mother. Tragic & heartbreaking these situations leave a woman sorrowful, longing for someone, fighting an inner battle to see the joy this day is meant to bring.

But…. what about the mother that aborted her child?

Shall I let the silence & heaviness settle a little before I continue typing……..

One from our nest denied the opportunity to hatch……

How do we reconcile the guilt that we “were” a mother yet we didn’t “mother” our child? There is nothing here to to celebrate or that is worthy of praise. Or is there?

“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.”

Isaiah 49:15

We may have failed, but there is forgiveness through a God who has the victory. This day, along with many others, may be heavy, but Jesus offers to carry the burden for us as He walks alongside us on our journey to healing. This winter I reluctantly participated in a bible study with a small group of women called Surrendering the Secret. The first day I was to attend I pridefully came up with 1000 reasons why I didn’t need to attend this. I had healed. I blog about. I tell people. I’m over it. But God’s push was painfully felt.

It was the hardest weeks of my adult life as Jesus took His trowel & dug up the rooted weeds; years of pain, anger, & post traumatic stress. I walked through the fire of telling my own children about what I had done. I sat on a stage & told thousands within our church what I had done. But I also spoke loudly of what GOD HAD DONE! Pruning through the rock hard areas of my heart, the dead overgrown branches fell away as seeds of hope, grace, & forgiveness were planted. Seasons of dormancy faded away as my tears watered each seed & sprouts began to shoot forth. For the first time, after oh so many days & years of only seeing death, I saw life.

To the mother who is struggling, aching, over your abortion & suffocating this Mother’s Day breathe this in…. swallow it through your tears…… We can’t take it back. We can’t make our child be here with us. But what we can do is surrender. We surrender the pain, the regret, the shame, the guilt all at the feet of Christ. We surrender to His will to uproot all that strangles our heart. We surrender the fear. We surrender our Motherhood. We surrender the pressure of Mother’s Day. We surrender each & every day for there is only one to Celebrate, the one who IS worthy of all our praise!

Today, I will thank my Heavenly Father for my brood here on Earth. Three little birds that bring me great joy & extended an immense amount of grace to their Momma when she surrendered her secret.

This Mother’s Day may you begin to nest. Nesting is a right of passage when it comes to motherhood. As you near delivery you are overwhelmed by an urgency to prepare, organize, & clean your household. So, let us nest. Let us pray that Jesus would cleanse our heart & dwell within them. Let us organize our time & priorities to place Him & His word first. Let us prepare for the day that we enter into eternal life, the day we are delivered into the arms of Christ, & the day a child meet’s their mother.

For more information about a Surrendering the Secret group please visit their website here, contact a local Heartbeats office, or contact me & I will connect you with one.

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